Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
