I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
