I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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