Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
