just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
