I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
