Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
