About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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