If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
