she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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