No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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