I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
