I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
