i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
