need another drink. this is the easiest way
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
