There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dear god my vagina.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
