Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
