You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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