My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Randomize
