i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
