i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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