Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
