Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
