so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
