I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
