They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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