And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
