I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
