a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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