yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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