Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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