I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
