So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
