I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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