yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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