What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
