I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
