That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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