So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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