She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
