Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
