I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
