i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
