The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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