I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
