They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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