Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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