thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
