I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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