Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
