hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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