I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
