I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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