My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
