I CAN MOONWALK!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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