I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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